tired

 

THIS IS THYROID CANCER AWARENESS MONTH


its been awhile since I was on here, so heres an update. in august I had my gallbladder taken out, after 4xs in the ER they decide to take it out, and I feel much better without it but cant eat fast foods without having a bathroom close by. but love not having the feeling that something is exploding inside me now.

I just had my year checkup for thyca, and after I come home from my family trip in ,I have to stop my synthroid for 3 weeks for them to check for cancer. I can handle that, I just hated the LID I had to do. if its clean then I don't have to see my endo for another year, and shes gonna lower my dosage to see if it'll help me sleep better and not be so hot anymore or jittery. but I still get tired and when I get to sleep I cant get out of bed til 10am or after. I get worn out so easily. I get dizzy and lightheaded a lot especially when I try to do to much, and my back would hurt me just being up 5 mins washing dishes, it feels like someone is stabbing me with a stick in the center of my back

I was denied for SSI and it was past 60 days that I got a hold of the lawyer even tho I called her office 2xs before the days were up, and it was a good enough reason for them to give me a hearing, so my lawyer said to reapply for it, then go thru the appeals council for yrs and may not get a hearing. so im starting from the beginning again. im not going for SSI for thyca but rather the effects after it and plus all my pain in neck, shoulder, back, hip, and terrible migraines. I cant lift to much stuff and when im on the phone my arms would hurt I cant stand or sit for along time. I can sit at a slant. and that my memory is like mud people have to repeat things to me, I cant remember what I made for dinner the following nights and coming up with words I want to type here I have to really think about it and think about the spelling and I knew how to spell in Kgn

I have been baking goodies I re-found my love for that. my daughter got me back into doing my hair and makeup and my nails even the press on ones since after thyca my nails are worthless. I want to feel and look  beautiful for my husband even tho I don't think I am beautiful. we will be married 17yrs in November. and I am trying to find my beauty in Christ since it says in the bible.... He made EVERYTHING beautiful in His own time. its hard for me to see myself as beautiful. ive started taking different vitamins, I just saw on one of my thyca pages that folic acid helps with thinning hair which most thyca patients suffer with and that our nails are crap too they break easy and left jagged. I wondered why when I was pregnant with my daughter that my hair and nails were strong and beautiful, thought maybe it was being pregnant cuz it went away after she was born and that's when I stopped the folic acid.

I wish I can lose some weight. I go back and forth with it, some days im not hungry only for cereal and then there are days where I cant get enough to eat. everything still don't taste good yet. my memory is still like mud I forget more now than every before, I had to break down and buy 2 different pills holders for when I take them, I bought one for my synthroid cuz I kept forgetting that and bought a AM and PM for my others and vitamins cuz I kept forgetting my potassium, and I need my potassium like I need synthroid or air. last oct when I found out we had no health insur I took only one of my potassiums for 2 weeks, I ended up in the ER for my heart and I had them check that and said it was low and I need to get back on 2 a day ASAP. so I know I need that med. im still in a lot of pain but now I have a bad hip and one er dr said I have sciatica in my back I cant feel my right foot a lot of the time, and I cant lift over 15lbs til it subsides but it never does. I hate this I cant get no relief for my pain and cant find a dr. I had to go to a free clinic which treated me better than the one dr who kicked me out of his practice cuz I wouldn't take anti depressants when im not depressed I have a few anxiety attacks but not enough that I have to take something everyday. this is so frustrated about everything and stressful even tho my hubby don't think I get stressed out.

I don't know why but since I had thyca I have been collecting butterflies any kind and color but mainly purple, teal, and pink which is thyca colors. it seems to be therapeutic for me to do that. I know your thyroid is the shape of a butterfly and they call thyca survivors butterfly warriors........... I am having trouble trusting that God is with me , I know He will never leave me but I feel all alone. seems like the only person who cares if I over do is my daughter who yells at me if I am and she shouldn't worry about her momma. she is such a caring person, she asks me all the time if I want her to make me something or get me something like water. and of course I know my mom cares and my mother in law does too, but that's not what im looking for, theres only one person I like to know that cares about me and worried about me in over doing things.

all I can say in my head is a Bible verse over and over again......... I can do ALL things in Christ who strengthens me or when im afraid ........ what time im afraid I will trust in thee......