For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
When I came across this verse when looking through my bible on my laptop, it hit me that i have been living in fear about this thyroid cancer. I know God didnt give me the spirit of fear because He never left my side through all this. And my mind has not been calm the last 6 or 7 months now. I still dont feel up to par yet but better than i was the last few months. And the thoughts of possibly going through all this again in sept scares me. But i know God will be with me through it all and He has and will give me the strength i need.
Something came over me today as i got this message from someone i have known for years, telling me they have a bunch of nodules in their neck and they will too be checked for thyroid cancer. I told this person I will help anyway I can and if they have any questions I will try to answer them the best I know how. This person said they didnt want to bring back stuff for me when I was going through that, I told them, not to worry about me I want to talk about it, and help anyway i can i want to be an avocate I want to spread awareness about thyroid cancer and to do self checks of peoples necks to see if they have lumps and bumps. Mark on the other hand doesnt want to relive his cancer time. I never was that way not even with epilepsy i had and id talk about that too. I would rather tell my story if it would help one person to check their necks for nodules and have them find their cancer early not later, they always tell women to check their breasts every months why not your neck too, breast cancer is not the only cancer there is there are lots of cancer and its sad to hear people being diagnosed with any cancer.
I am still not sure why God allowed this to happen to me, but i know i will know someday maybe. It may just be for me to see i can be strong and not weak, and to ask for help when i need it i have always had a hard time asking for help and the past 6 months i had to ask for help from Mark, Ashley, and my 2 moms. I am not a superwomen who has to do all the work myself. I always thought it was a weakness to ask for help but its not.
I need to trust God, and know He is there with me through this. And i need to start praying again and pray for those who may have thyroid cancer and those who do. and pray that there will be a cure for all cancers.
I dont feel like im in a dark room anymore, everyone i talk to tells me they are praying for me and that encourages me. I still feel tired still and dizzy and lightheaded but i have to not do to much and rest my body when it needs it. Yes the last few months were very dark for me but I am not afraid to talk about it with people. God doesnt give you no more than He knows you can handle when you are walking with the Lord.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Prov. 3:5-6
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
feeling somewhat better
i feel better than i did in the last blog thing, i was at my moms and she made me eat lol. now im home and barely eat now but i do. saw my family dr last monday and he wants me to have a stress test, thurday. so i have to go get that done UGH, hes worried about my heart since he told me that they should have had me off my high BP pills during my thyroid cancer treatment RAI. my BP is low now the dr always thought i had high BP but never believed him. but now its low to where hes worried about it. had my first bloodwork done on the synthroid im on did that last monday as well. they called me last monday night its right on target where they want it so im staying on 200mcgs. i still feel tired and fatigue. and when i over do around the house i feel dizzy and lighheaded. but yesterday my daughter made me stay down and she washed the dishes for Mother's Day, i loved it. and i thought i was done seeing docs lol i have a follow up with fam june 4th, then in aug see my endo doc and sept is my checkup to see if i need RAI again.
May is a good month and a nerve wreaking month our daughter turns 13 in a week, tomorrow my Mark goes to get his bloodwork for hes yearly cancer visit and next tues is hes dr appt to stay if he is 10 yrs cancer free. i think he will be i hope so its great to hear he is cancer free. i cant wait to hear it myself as well some day. never thought id ever get thyroid cancer, for one i never heard of it, and its an unusal cancer. course i had to get the most unusal cancer. im unusal i guess.
I just want to feel better and have the energy i had. never thought it would take so much out of me its not like i got chemo like my husband where he was sick all the time and throwing up and saw sick ppl all the time at the cancer center he went to. the part i hated the most was the LID i didnt want to eat anything by the 5th day. and feeling very weak from being hypothyroid where i couldnt keep up with Mark when we walked into the place i got my RAI from, usually its him who cant keep up with me, and i still cant catch up to him, this month when i went grocery shopping i had to make more days to get them then i do cuz i get so tired when i shop.
at least i know im not the only one going through this with heart racing and BPs being low my sister in law said she talked to someone who went through what i went through. and i thought i was the only one. guess it affects people differently then other and some the same.
I still have a hard time getting up in the morning like i use to get up, i cant sleep well at night anymore takes me along time to fall asleep and i wake up alot in the night more than i use to before all this. i still feel down and alone, like im still in this dark place where i cant find my way out and dont see the end, i dont see where God is taking me i feel lost, and i dont know who to talk to about this mark dont understand it hes like what do u mean dark place and i feel i lost my faith i said that to him and he didnt understand that either. im tired of feeling this way and always feeling like i want to sleep all the time. I WANT TO SLEEP all night for once and actually feel like i got the rest i need.. i hope when i get checked again in sept that i wont need another treatment, and i know that sept is thyroid cancer awareness month and i get checked again that month. guess we will have to wait and see, my mom dont understand the wait but from what i read i understand it she thinks everything has to be done all the same day lol but of course she just wants me healthy again and im her daughter and im not suppose to get sick in her eyes... id be worried about my daughter too id never want her to be sick in anyway.
May is a good month and a nerve wreaking month our daughter turns 13 in a week, tomorrow my Mark goes to get his bloodwork for hes yearly cancer visit and next tues is hes dr appt to stay if he is 10 yrs cancer free. i think he will be i hope so its great to hear he is cancer free. i cant wait to hear it myself as well some day. never thought id ever get thyroid cancer, for one i never heard of it, and its an unusal cancer. course i had to get the most unusal cancer. im unusal i guess.
I just want to feel better and have the energy i had. never thought it would take so much out of me its not like i got chemo like my husband where he was sick all the time and throwing up and saw sick ppl all the time at the cancer center he went to. the part i hated the most was the LID i didnt want to eat anything by the 5th day. and feeling very weak from being hypothyroid where i couldnt keep up with Mark when we walked into the place i got my RAI from, usually its him who cant keep up with me, and i still cant catch up to him, this month when i went grocery shopping i had to make more days to get them then i do cuz i get so tired when i shop.
at least i know im not the only one going through this with heart racing and BPs being low my sister in law said she talked to someone who went through what i went through. and i thought i was the only one. guess it affects people differently then other and some the same.
I still have a hard time getting up in the morning like i use to get up, i cant sleep well at night anymore takes me along time to fall asleep and i wake up alot in the night more than i use to before all this. i still feel down and alone, like im still in this dark place where i cant find my way out and dont see the end, i dont see where God is taking me i feel lost, and i dont know who to talk to about this mark dont understand it hes like what do u mean dark place and i feel i lost my faith i said that to him and he didnt understand that either. im tired of feeling this way and always feeling like i want to sleep all the time. I WANT TO SLEEP all night for once and actually feel like i got the rest i need.. i hope when i get checked again in sept that i wont need another treatment, and i know that sept is thyroid cancer awareness month and i get checked again that month. guess we will have to wait and see, my mom dont understand the wait but from what i read i understand it she thinks everything has to be done all the same day lol but of course she just wants me healthy again and im her daughter and im not suppose to get sick in her eyes... id be worried about my daughter too id never want her to be sick in anyway.
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