venting

well it was about a week since I wrote on here. having a hard time dealing with things that person I mentioned on here passed away last thurs, it was just a shocked to me since he was 40 died of lung cancer.
I have been having anxiety problems since that happened, and makes me think, I we went to the er Monday for anxiety and they did find that my potassium was low so idk if that triggered it, or not . and my thyroid was normal
I have so many emotional issues right now, I feel like im going to fall into a hole and cant get out and not one will help me. been crying a lot. feel dead inside, just seems like everything is hitting me at once and feel I have to deal with it all on my own no hubby no God, theres days I wish I wasn't here I feel im invisible anyways, I feel like im falling apart and no one there to help me or catch me. all I want to do is stay under the blankets and never come out ever, will anyone miss me if wasn't here will anyone want to find me if I come up missing? or will they say who cares. I just want to give up no one cares  or loves me maybe I should
I still walk some but idk if I can keep up with it. I don't feel like itll change me and plus have no one to support me on it that matters to me I know all u thyca ppl who read this would tell me to get my ass out there and walk. I just wish I had someone who would believe in me and help me to keep going and encourage me to do it and support me and he knows who I am talking about if he reads this whole thing ,,,, I need to hear YES ill miss u and help to find u and help, encourage, support ,,, and hold you when u need me to hold u Ill pick u up when u fall and ill be there for u whenever u need me even if im sleeping isn't it that what marriage is all about helping the other when they are weak and  when they lose strength, well I just don't have no more strength anymore ,,,, this my vent for the day