Today was my last day to take my Synthroid, for 3 weeks. Its gonna be weird waking up between 3-5am to take it and remembering i cant take it. Sunday the 9th i start the dreaded diet, i let my mother-in-law to read over my LID cookbook to see if she can make me stuff for diet.
But i have to believe the the Lord will help me through this, and that He will give me the strength i need to get through it all. it has been a comfort to hear that there are people who are praying for me, especially my husband. Yesterday i started to read a book from my favorite author Stormie Omartian and found this verse, And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." I know i need to look to God for strength even tho i have felt He left me but i know from yrs of memorizing verses and sitting in church that God never leaves us. But i have to be reminded of it.
I dread getting tired and weak just hope i dont get bad like i was last time, i was hypothyroid longer last time with 2 surgeries and never been on meds for it, this time ill only be hypo for 3 weeks or so not like months. just hoping it will go by quickly.
there has been alot i learned in this past year with cancer, i have found my strength in God, my family and my praying friends, i cant give up cuz there are people who need me around like the 2 i live with and love with all my heart. i thank God just about everyday for bringing them into my life. i want it to be everyday like it was before i just need to start back into my prayer life. I have always been weak in my prayer life, and dont know how to strengthen it my husband has a strong prayer life and i only wish i could have that as well. But I love to read God's Word and study it i dont have any problem with that. I keep thinking of a friend who gave me some good advice along with the Sunday School class she taught, it takes 28 days to make something a good habit, i have done so with the Bible and now its like, first thing i do when i get up is grab my Bible, and its so natural for me. Now i wish i can just apply that to my prayer life. But i have always been insecure about why would the Lord want to hear from me, why does He love me for i always felt i was an unlovable person, why would people love me why would my husband love. all i can understand it the love of a mother since i am one, i know now why my mom loves me cuz there isnt anything i wouldnt do for my daughter. shes one reason why i have to fight this cancer, i understand why my husband fought his cancer, for Ashley, she deserves to have both parents around, she doesnt remember daddy having cancer but she will remember mom having cancer and i hate that she will remember, and she worries about me all the time and i dont like that she does she shouldnt have to be worrying about me, but i guess i cant do anything about it. But i am also fighting cancer for my husband too, even tho he may not know it and even if he didnt fight for me when he had cancer.
I hate it when people say thyroid cancer "is the good cancer" it irritates me cuz i think there is NO good cancer. Cancer is cancer and cancer is BAD, all of it. im not the only one who thinks that everyone that i talk to online that had or has thyroid cancer all feel the same way. even the drs call it the good cancer its not. we still get sick, tired, weak, we may not lose our hair cuz of our RAI treatments, i was nauseated after my treatment and lost my taste too. And my mind was like mud during the hypo time not fun at all i always messed up my sentences and spelling even when i knew how to spell it, and what i want to say comes out wrong and am more forgetful then i was before i find myself having to write things down in order to remember it later, i had a hard time driving no reflexes at all. Just like with every cancer thyroid cancer people just want it over with and cant wait to hear we are cancer free that all anyone wants to hear with any cancer, I still get nervous when my husband goes to his cancer checkup and its been 10 yrs now hes been free, and now that all i want to hear i wont know til i have my scan on sept 25 the waiting is.....AHHHHHHHHH I HATE WAITING .. cuz i keep thinking if i get a positive scan i have to have another RAI and then wait another 6 months and do this over again my mom could tell anyone patience wasnt one of my strong thing to be. i have learned patience through homeschooling and parenting and being a wife. i will end with this verse i have always repeated whenever im afraid my childhood pastor gave it to me once...
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3,4 this became one of my favorite verses.
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