finally its over

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy also upon me, and answer me. Psalm 27:7

Last Fri the 16th i got my RAI, and had my family be away from me for a full 7 days. They all came back yesterday i was so happy to get them all back home. i was hypothyroid before my 2 weeks so they started my treatment early and get it them over with. i hated the LID i hope never have to do that again. the RAI wasnt fun either everything tasted funny and i felt nauseated and weak. i still feel that way. hopefully this levothyroxine starts to help me better they are thinking about putting me on a booster pill for a week to help with the pain in my legs and arms i cant do to much before  i get tired and cant walk as fast as i did before feels like i ran a marathon when i walk a few feet.
 i see my endo doc in april and im sure theres gonna be alot of bloodwork. i had my post scan fri (23) i hate that test it hurts the back and neck and it was for an hr and half laying there and feeling my arms and legs go numb and when u have to scratch and itch on ur nose u cant and i had one ugh.
i felt alone all last week but i know i wasnt God was protecting me through all that. i cried every night knowing that i was gonna be here alone and my family was elsewhere. since i had no other place to go while on the RAI. i was so bored with nothing to do i ate with all plasticware so i can throw it out and not hurt my family i spend thurs and fri cleaning up the house and laundry to get all the RAI out of the house before they all came home and i wanted them safe. my moods are even getting better so maybe the levothyroxine is helping but still have no strength to do much of anything and still feel not up to par.
from the 13-16th i ran to this nuclear dr 13th was to meet with her and thought i was hypo enough just on how i talked so she said to go ahead and get my labs done to see then the next day they called and said i was ready to have my prescan so 14th got the 8 pills and the 15 was precan then 16 was the RAI which i recieved 100.9mg  2 pills of it i dont know if thats good or bad since this is my first time having thyroid issues. Mark did check up on me everyday when he stopped here during his work day, and was so hard not to hug and kiss him. and was hard on our daughter to be away for that long from her momma she killed me with her txtes about i want to come home NOW and knowing that i couldnt do anything i wouldve gladly went to get her but had to protect her so i had to say no u cant right now . now its all over with for now anyways and i can enjoy havin my family back with me again where i can make REAL food again that tastes good even tho still tastes funny for me right now but slowing coming back to me.
now its a wait thing to see if the RAI got everything it needed to get and i hope it stays away and that im free from this and i can go back to a normal life i think but i know God is in control of this and i keep on trusting in Him and looking up to Him for the light He knows whats ahead i dont but theres always a lesson behind every storm and i havent figured out what it is yet but He will tell me when it is time........
 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

Fear of being alone but i know im not alone

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?  Psalms 56:3-4


 well today i got my RAI treatment i had to take 2 pills. Mark took and brought me home. Ashley was picked up by Mark's sister before my treatment, and Mark went down there again after he took me home. where i have treatment his sister lives about 20 miles south of there and we live 30 miles north so it was mid way. but Mark had to go through the same town twice. now i have to drink alot to help get this out of my system. sunday night i can eat real food again, which Mark will buy me 2 fish sandwiches and fries from mcds im so hungry for them, and the monday morning i start that levothyroxine ( synthroid) my endo dr will start me on 200 mcg they are tiny pills. hopefully ill get some strength back i feel so tired and thought id pass out today. Marks gonna check up on me everyday  hes at work so ill see him but i wont see him this weekend til he brings me my mcds on sunday. this will be the first we cant watch "our" show together sunday night we love to watch Army Wives thats the one show we agree on watching and spend time together and ill miss our "tea time" we make each others teas at night. i miss them already even before they left im stuck at home alone and i hate especially at night i usually cant sleep when im here alone or even with Ashley here. its Mark i miss i cant sleep good when hes not here which i think it should  be that way i mean we are married 15 yrs and hardly ever apart from each other only a few times we havent been together. Mark even said he cant sleep when im not home or with him i guess thats a good thing:) means he misses me i wonder how he will sleep at his sisters house. i wont be able to see him on his bday only a few mins and cant hug him or kiss him happy bday his bday is thurs i filled out his card today before treatment so when he comes on his bday he can have it. just before we went into where i had to be we hugged and kissed for the last time for a week.
as far as what they told me the prescan didnt show that it spread which is a good thing and they said the pills they gave me would do the job i hope so i hope i dont have to do this again later on that it will be done and over with but God is in control and i trust Him. i was alittle anxious about today this morning when i woke up cuz i didnt want my family to leave me, but i know its safer for them and i want to protect them from this. they both can come home next friday which im gonna pick Ashley up after my post scan on fri and Mark will come home after work. Mark seems to be alot more concerned about me lately he keeps asking me if im feeling ok and doing ok he even prayed with me before he left today which made me cry i never heard him pray for me, and it gave me such comfort and lifted my spirits.
i hope i dont get nausated from this i havent yet thats one thing i cant stand it to be sick to my stomach they said it may happen but who knows .. i dont know if hypothyroid causes ringing in the ears but seems like my ears are ringing like crazy for the last week or so.
i know im weak in my body when Mark walks faster than me now, usually im faster then him and today he chuckled at me saying wow u really slowed down i couldnt keep up with him and it wasnt that far to walk either it feels like a ran a marathon even walking up my stairs in my home im out of breath. i think its sad when i walk into the nuclear medicine part of the hospital they said hi Lori or theres Lori lol  without me saying who i am i was there tues, wed, thurs, and fri this week.....
 i sat in the back seat on the way home and cried all the way home cuz i know when i get home im gonna be alone with my husband or daughter i love them so much. but i know im not alone cuz the Lord it with me and he will comfort me and protect me through the night. my mother-in-law gave me a verse one time when i was afraid to be here alone and its.........


I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalms 4:8 

friday is the day

yesterday i went to see my nuclear dr who will be treating me for thyroid cancer. And she thought yesterday that im hypothyroid enough to do treatment, i had my bloodwork yesterday and just heard word now that i can have it. i thought itll be next week sometime. so this afternoon i go down and get a alittle of the RAI to do a prescan body scan, then thurs AM will be the scan and fri be the RAI treament. then by sun or mon ill be back to real food and start my new pill i have to be on for thyroid never took a thyroid replacement so ill start that.
i guess it was the way i told her how i felt yesterday that let up to getting my bloodwork done before the 2 weeks of the LID sat wouldve been 2 weeks. i told her im so tired and weak i cant wash dishes or even walk up the stairs without feeling out of breath or my body feeling so weak. and im freezing and im not usually cold im always hot even with weather in the 70s yesterday i was cold and still cold. told her all i wanted to do is sleep all the time. the last 11 days seemed to go so slowly now it seems to go fast now its like bam bam bam done. ill just happy when its all over with and the next week goes by fast so my family can come home since i cant be around them for 1 whole week she said, and i have nowhere to go other than home to stay through this just have wash up house good before they come home. and hopefully regain my strength back. my mom is coming tonight and bringing my daughter home and mom be taking for my prescan since i want my hubby to take me for my RAI treatment and i dont want him to be taking to much time off of work and he wants to take for that he will be taking me today for the prescan dose. i do hope this will be my only time i need to do this but  the Lord knows and i know He is in control of all this i know im in His Hands and Hes taking care of me i just need to keep the faith and run the race ..

....and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12: 1b-2

i really hate this

So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalms 90:12


Can this be over with already, God knows im not a patient person and this diet is not the kind of diet anyone want to be on. I cant remember ever feeling so hungry before. this is only day 5 of the 2 weeks of the low iodine diet, plus i still have to be on it til i get my treatment which still could be 2 weeks from now. i cant sleep cuz all my tummy does is grumble saying FEED ME. how does anyone do this. i just reminding myself i have to do this to get the best of the treatement, and i have a daughter and hubby to fight for and of course other family and friends too. i hope i only have to do this RAI once so i dont have to go through this again. just seem like this month is going to be a very long month and these next couple weeks will be long. my shoulder still hurts and feels weak for some reason i have no idea.
yesterday i tried to make homemade spaghetti sauce so that i can eat it it was the most horrible food i ate so far. Mark tried the guy who likes anything and said gross lol. and said how can you eat that i said i have no choice i almost threw up. tonight im making chicken with baked sweet potato i love chicken so i wont have any  problem eating that tonight.  The weather outside is how i feel inside its raining out and dark feels like its about 6 here and after the sunset.
Tomorrow Ashley goes to my moms for a few days til after i see my nuclear dr on tues. thats what so nice about homeschooling is i can let her go to grams whenever i want and still finish the year on time being that we started really early and end by  the end of april. And i think i need some time alone when Mark is at work. Sunday is daylight saving time which i have a love/hate with this one i love the light longer at night but not missing an hr of sleep and its on my birthday.
 every day i wake up thinking about the engine that could.... i think i can i think i can..... but i really want to say no i cant!
i know only the Lord can give me the strength to get through this and all who love me. Mark has been great always asking me how im feeling and how im doing like hes concerned about me getting to tired and weak on this which i feel i am he doesnt want me driving so  hes going to be taking me to all my appts for the drs, so i try to get them the lastest in the afternoon so he dont have to miss a whole days work, and he gives me strength to keep going on this has much as i want to quit and forget about it he always make sures im not eating what im not suppose to keeping an eye on me. Mark still hasnt talked much about what is in his mind and heart but he is letting me vent and talk more about it which before i felt i couldnt. well better try and get some housework done before my hubby comes home from work and get off of here

day 2 of diet

today is my second day on this LID. i bought some groceries saturday to help with the foods i can eat, but the foods are really boring to say the least. AND IM  HUNGRY!  and i have another week and a half left of this til i have my treatment that is. i see my new dr on the 13th the nuclear dr to meet her and ask her questions about stuff Mark will be going with me seems like hes been wanting to go with me i never thought he would. he wants to take me to  my prescan dose and scan i will first see dr then the following week get a pill of RAI for the prescan and the next day have the prescan then 3 days after that get my treatment, and Mark says he wants to go to all of im surprised hes afraid ill be too tired to drive myself. since im already feeling tired even before the diet. He'll be missing some work a few hrs at most if i can make things for the afternoon or miss a few hrs in the AM and then go to work after it.
 i dont know if this is a symptom but my hands get to feeling numb and seems like they feel numb for no reason like if u would to sleep on them, its almost like my potassium is getting low but i still take my potassium pills im suppose to take. i know feeling cold and tired and not feeling like doing anything are all symptoms of hypothyroid. today i made some homemade french dressing so maybe ill have a salad later, and some fruit. Fruit is about the only thing that taste good i love certain fruits i bought some frozen to make some smoothies i can eat, but dont want to use them all up the first week. cant wait til this is over with well for 6 months til they check me then to see if i need to do it again. I know God is in control and there is a lesson in all this but its hard to be optimistic about it all, and not ask " why me" and not be scared about all this thats going on.  Cancer is a scary word to hear and to have any kind of cancer not just the ones that could kill you but ALL OF THEM. i still dont think Mark knows how i feel afraid about this im trying to be strong and not fall apart on him. sometimes i just need a hug that is long and tight telling me he will be there for me anytime. and im not the type to ask for help never was but always wants to help other people more. so i guess ill keep on doing what i have been doing trying to clean the house as much as i can without overdoing myself and making me to tired and trust the Lord in all this, Marks favorite verse keeps coming to mind and now i see why he always would say it when he cancer never thought cancer would would hit us twice in our 15 yrs of marriage only 11 yrs apart.......

Isaiah 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

LID

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19


Tomorrow Mark will be taking me grocery shopping since i dont feel like driving yet and still dont feel good in the strength department of picking stuff up. my shoulders are killing me yet the right hurt for about 10 days now the left has started... I usually love to go grocery shopping when im alone its my time where i can be alone and think about what id like to make for meals for my family, and maybe surprise them by buying stuff i dont usually do that they want just because i love them. But tomorrow ill be shopping for me, and stuff i can have  on this diet i have to start sunday. then when i get home i plan on maybe some things out of this new LID cookbook that i can freeze for later. im so glad that there are some friends that gave us some beef for out freezer that will last at least a few months, so thats one less thing i have to worry about buying this month.
im very nervous about this diet im afraid ill do something wrong and wont go well. i need my iodine to be low to a certain number to have the RAI to work well for killing whats left of the cancer cells, and whats left of the thyroid, and i want to do it right. And i have to take more time gro shopping to look at labels for NO SALT ADDED. they said i can have that i already have the non iodized salt my mom gave me. i want to make homemade bread for myself and freeze it and maybe make some for mark and ashley that. i can have most anything but i have to watch the iodine intake from salt and you cant tell whats in store bought bread. which i know how to make homemade stuff its not that hard to do. my way of thinking will be did i make this right with very little or no iodine in it thats what stresses me out the most. But if i have to do this again in the future i will know what to do for the next time. i hope i wont have to but they always have to tell you dont expect to be cancer free in 6 months, but they never know i may be. But still will have to be check alot for awhile now and be on a replacement pill all my life for thyroid ... i read in this cookbook that thyroid cancer is the most unusual cancer seems like the unusal stuff always happens to me or i get the most unusual things like this dog we had a year ago that die when he was 1 n half yrs old he was an unusual dog he was part pug part lab looked like a lab but in pugs body i loved him i got the same expression from everyone. but he died sept2010 from a seizure which we think he hit his head to hard the morning of it.

I see this new dr that is the nuclear dr that will be giving me my prescan and RAI and then another scan after the treatment on mar 13th (2 days after my bday what fun)  to talk with her about what my endo dr couldnt answer, so Marks gonna go with me then too. then ill go for my scan n treatment. i keep reminding myself God is will me and my family and friends are here to support even tho sometimes i dont feel they are there some are far away and cant help it but i know they are still there for me theyre just a call away if i had the gutts to call them i just dont want to bother them cuz i know they are busy with their lives or dealing with their own health issues that id rather be there for them first.  i know i have alot of people praying for me my church family and some other churches as well. i just cant help but to be anxious about stuff and having trouble praying myself i feel selfish when i do.....

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7