resting at moms

I've been in the ER 4 times in the last week and half. 2xs within 24 hrs at the start of it. I always get tired everytime i get up and do stuff around the house, so my husband said why dont you stay at your moms for a week and rest. so i did and now im at my moms resting and she has been "MAKING" eat and i have felt better. this is the first day i havent been dizzy and lightheaded so maybe it was that i wasnt eating. My sister-in-law calls me yesterday on my cell ph, and she told me she knows someone else having the same problems as i am with my heart racing and feeling weak that it took time before it all slowed down right now that lady is going for her 6 month checkup appt. so im not the only one dealing with this and the drs dont tell you anything like that. im still cold even to touch my mom felt my arm yesterday she said i felt like ice and so did my dad i told them im cold i get the chills so bad that i feel like i cant warm up. i was suppose to see my fam dr 2mro i decided to not see him til next monday cuz im over to my moms and shes 2 hrs away from where i live now. Mark will be coming this weekend to take us home ashley and i.
when i get back home i have to see dr and go for some bloodwork for my endo doc, to check and see if my thyroid med is making me where im suppose to be.
Im tired of feeling crumby and still finding it hard to see where the Lord is taking me, i think of this book my mother-in-law gave me a few yrs ago and i feel like im in the beach of loneliness. where im walking on a beach its dreary and cold and lonely. the book is called something like Hind's feet in high places its a allogory, or something like that it was a very good book i should read again. but i can relate to the main character "Much Afraid." I can totally relate to this book. And the "Shepherd" character in the book was the Lord.  i feel alone but i know im not alone i know that sound strange but its just how i feel and what i know.  and i know i have friends and family that will be there for me, i have several churches praying for me and thats a comfort. So im hoping that a week at my moms i will feel better and not be dizzy all the time so i can start to drive again and get on with my life. Endo doc said this could be lasting 6 months im like great i have no taste and i feel weak and it will take 6 months to get better just in time to get checked again where i have to do the LID which that was where i started to feel sick and nauseated which i still am nauseated even smells nauseate me like this AM i smelled really ripped bananas and i use to love bananas now the smell makes me sick to my stomach. I miss my husband kinda wish i was home but i know if i was home id work to much and feel weak and tired and possible another ER trip but i need to limit myself when i do go home.

not feeling well stil!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i can feel better soon im tired of the dizziness and lightheaded i feel. i have too much to do to be down in bed all the time. i checked my BP today seems low again and i was suppose to take ashley to her fire safety class and camp but didnt feel good so we didnt go. she has piano lessons 2mro but mom peet will be taking her since im not sure if i can drive with the way i feel. i have to get her portfolio done and meet with our evalutator. see im too busy to be sick. im still cold and cant seem to get warmed up. they said my thyroid nums are ok but i still feel crummy. ive been drinking alot but i wonder if i need another IV fluid again. seems like i perked up when i got it . the endo dr said could take up to 6 months before i feel better but thats a long time and it about the time i need to see her again. my taste is still not there.
i still feel like im alone and lost and cant find my way out. i feel discouraged like theres no end in this i wonder if this is what most cancer patients feel like i cant seem to shake it. my best friend from childhood said she envied my faith in the Lord, im not sure she would still say that now cuz im not sure anymore. i cant seem to find anyone to talk to about how i feel Mark dont understand even tho i thought hed be the first to understand being that he had cancer 11 yrs ago actually today it hes 11 yr cancerversary of when he was diagnosed.
i cant seem to pray i dont know what to say or feel when i try reading the bible has gotten hard too when that was my strength i love reading the bible i just cant get into anymore or with my whole heart like i was before i grew so much in the 2 yrs i read but now i feel like im lost and cant find my way and feel like i went backwards in my spiritual life and that scares me. i just feel very overwhelmed about everything thats why i thought i was having and anxiety attack last week. i have so much to do and cant do it house needs cleaning i have places i need to go things i need to do and they think stay at home wife/mothers arent busy and we are whether we are sick or not i dont know if i do to much to soon or what ....... well i need to go to bed im tired i dont know what tomorrow will bring but guess ill find out

What a eventful last 2 day UGH

WOW i had quite the 2 days. first of all.  since i took the LID and RAI i felt weak and tired and no energy, but the last 2 weeks i have been having chest pains. so thursday i had my husband take me to the ER cuz i felt i couldnt breathe like an elephant on my chest. that night they said it was anxiety so sent me home with adivan but didnt take away the tightness of my chest. so i made appt for fri with my fam dr, and he check my BP when i was sitting and said it was low so he had me lay down and BP went up but then had me sit up then stand up  my BP dropped very low. so hes like i cant let you drive home. think he said once my top num of my BP was 90 which scared me. so he made me stay laid down on the table, and kept checking on me.  then he came in after all his patients were gone cuz he closed at noon and i was still there. so he came in later and said he had to call my mom in law to come and get my daughter and drive our car. then he comes in my room and checking my BP every so often so then he said im calling 911 for and ambulance to take me to the hospital cuz he was afraid i may pass out if my in laws to take only 15 mins away.
He called the ER and said he was sending me over so they were ready for me right away. i never had a dr call 911 on me at his office i was very nervous.
so i get to the ER again the 2nd day in a row, and they hooked me to bunch of tests they took me to get xrays and by the i got back from the xrays my husband was right there and i was surprised he was there i didnt tell him i was trying not to get him til after work cuz he missed a few hours thurs, but he was there fast. his mom called him i guess and told him and he left work right away. Ashley had to stay with my dr til in laws came i was so worried about her but when i saw mark at the ER i knew she was with gram,
so at the ER they did different tests blookwork and checked my thyroid nums earlier then my endo wanted to but said to have it done and showed that they were normal,  so gotta ask her next week if she still wants me to in may like we planned. all my test came back normal like the night before, but the only different thing they did yesterday that they didnt thurs, they gave me a liter of IV fluids in a hr and they checked my BP laying,sitting, and standing and my BP came up and was stable. so they come in and said i was slighty dehydrated, which i cant understand i drink so  much water in a day  like i cant get enough of it im thirsty all the time but i havent been eating to well, ive been losing weight which i thought i wasnt but i am i lost 4 lbs from tues (at endo dr) to fri (at my fam dr). i just cant eat cuz im nauseated and everything taste funny and i just dont feel hungry. i do force myself only cuz i need food for potassium pill ... my fam dr did tell me to stop my BP meds for awhile and said i shouldnt have been on it while i was hypo thyroid. i just wish things would slow down and not crazy. i still feel very overwhelm by what i need to be doing my mom is here with me for a few days so i can rest and not worry about anything and i think Mark didnt want me to be home alone think hes worried about me but not showing it to well. i want to stop worrying my family, especially my 2 moms.
 im still finding it hard to find peace in the Lord lately and i dont know why its like im in this big storm and im lost and cant find my way out it and just keeps getting stronger to strong.  i thought since i didnt have chemo that i would have more energy then what Mark had when he had cancer, but i feel just as sick as if i did have it, i dont know what will happen if i feel like i did this last months again so i go and get more fluids cuz after i got it i felt like i different person even my body dont feel weak and crampy anymore i hope i dont need to, i thought i was drinking alot more than usually but guess i have to try to eat more than i do. hopefully i will start to feel better and get more energy but right now i feel like taking a snooze so i will close for now

TIRED AND FEELING BLAHHHHHHHHH

i see my endocrinologist tues the 17th, and i hope she can do something to make me feel any energy, like adjust my synthroid.  lately i have not felt like even getting out of bed, i have to force myself out.  i feel tired and still a bit weak. my arms and legs still feel crampy. all i want to do is sleep all the time and cry. i dont know how the RAI did yet i may know something tues, but what i do know is that food still taste funny to me and im cold all the time even on nice days. im just wondering when my taste will come back if it does. things that were my favorite food dont taste as good anymore, even my fav soda dont taste good which is pepsi. and i had my RAI on mar16th. i feel nauseated all the time even smelling food makes me sick. i use to have a strong stomach for things like nasty smells and stuff now all i want to do it throw up when i smell anything nasty. i feel like im in a dark place right now where i see no light at the end. Mark doesnt understand that when i tell him how i feel. i cant describe it to him. i feel like crying all the time. i know God is here with me but i dont feel Him here, i feel lost and alone even tho i have family and friends around me that care. i dont even feel like typing on here but figured since i havent in awhile i would write something here. i use to be a positive person but not anymore not as much as i was. for some reason i havent been able to pray to God i dont know what to say or even feel like to. i dont feel like going anywhere i havent really been to church for awhile other than Easter sunday, where before i went every sunday unless i was sick or had a sick kid. i just dont feel like getting out of bed at all. i use to be an early riser making Marks lunches and having my quiet time with the Lord, then to get ashley up for homeschooling. now i barely get out of bed til 9 or 10 am. i havent gotten up that late since i stopped my seizure meds and since having ashley. i cant sleep at night too well keep waking up. then have to try and take my synthroid as early as i can so i can take other meds hrs later cuz i cant take them with the thyroid med.
i dont look sick to people and they always wonder why i dont go anywhere, and im tired of saying im TIRED all the time. my heart has been bumping hard when i do the smallest things around the house and that just wears me out and no one understands it i think the only people who understand are those that have had thyroid cancer, people dont understand how much a thyroid does for ur body, i know i didnt til i researched thyroids when i had a nodule then a tumor then surgery then cancer. i wanted to learn everything about what im going through, i did that about my hubbys cancer when he had it but back then it was research at the library i got to do my research online. the LID was when i started to feel sick and weak and the foods i had to eat made me want to throw up and sometimes i didnt eat. even now with foods i still dont want to eat cuz they taste funny. if im not losing weight now then i probably wont lose weight or the little amounts of food i do force myself to eat is keeping me from losing weight.
i have been watching a blog on here about thyroid cancer and this person is in recurrance of thyroid cancer for the 3rd time i think. which makes me worry about my own thyroid cancer i dont know if mine was found early enough or not i know it is stage II. and my "endo" doc said " dont expect to be cancer free in 6 months" i know she has to say the worse case senerio but man thats something i dont want to hear.
i just want my life back to the way it was where i had energy and had a spotless home. and was able to sleep all night. Cancer i know changes people ive seen it when Mark had cancer in 2001. and all cancers are DIFFERENT and have DIFFERENT side affects.
i just dont know how i feel about anything anymore even with my faith in God and that scares me when i doubt that i have never doubted my faith in God before. i just dont know...............