i see my endocrinologist tues the 17th, and i hope she can do something to make me feel any energy, like adjust my synthroid. lately i have not felt like even getting out of bed, i have to force myself out. i feel tired and still a bit weak. my arms and legs still feel crampy. all i want to do is sleep all the time and cry. i dont know how the RAI did yet i may know something tues, but what i do know is that food still taste funny to me and im cold all the time even on nice days. im just wondering when my taste will come back if it does. things that were my favorite food dont taste as good anymore, even my fav soda dont taste good which is pepsi. and i had my RAI on mar16th. i feel nauseated all the time even smelling food makes me sick. i use to have a strong stomach for things like nasty smells and stuff now all i want to do it throw up when i smell anything nasty. i feel like im in a dark place right now where i see no light at the end. Mark doesnt understand that when i tell him how i feel. i cant describe it to him. i feel like crying all the time. i know God is here with me but i dont feel Him here, i feel lost and alone even tho i have family and friends around me that care. i dont even feel like typing on here but figured since i havent in awhile i would write something here. i use to be a positive person but not anymore not as much as i was. for some reason i havent been able to pray to God i dont know what to say or even feel like to. i dont feel like going anywhere i havent really been to church for awhile other than Easter sunday, where before i went every sunday unless i was sick or had a sick kid. i just dont feel like getting out of bed at all. i use to be an early riser making Marks lunches and having my quiet time with the Lord, then to get ashley up for homeschooling. now i barely get out of bed til 9 or 10 am. i havent gotten up that late since i stopped my seizure meds and since having ashley. i cant sleep at night too well keep waking up. then have to try and take my synthroid as early as i can so i can take other meds hrs later cuz i cant take them with the thyroid med.
i dont look sick to people and they always wonder why i dont go anywhere, and im tired of saying im TIRED all the time. my heart has been bumping hard when i do the smallest things around the house and that just wears me out and no one understands it i think the only people who understand are those that have had thyroid cancer, people dont understand how much a thyroid does for ur body, i know i didnt til i researched thyroids when i had a nodule then a tumor then surgery then cancer. i wanted to learn everything about what im going through, i did that about my hubbys cancer when he had it but back then it was research at the library i got to do my research online. the LID was when i started to feel sick and weak and the foods i had to eat made me want to throw up and sometimes i didnt eat. even now with foods i still dont want to eat cuz they taste funny. if im not losing weight now then i probably wont lose weight or the little amounts of food i do force myself to eat is keeping me from losing weight.
i have been watching a blog on here about thyroid cancer and this person is in recurrance of thyroid cancer for the 3rd time i think. which makes me worry about my own thyroid cancer i dont know if mine was found early enough or not i know it is stage II. and my "endo" doc said " dont expect to be cancer free in 6 months" i know she has to say the worse case senerio but man thats something i dont want to hear.
i just want my life back to the way it was where i had energy and had a spotless home. and was able to sleep all night. Cancer i know changes people ive seen it when Mark had cancer in 2001. and all cancers are DIFFERENT and have DIFFERENT side affects.
i just dont know how i feel about anything anymore even with my faith in God and that scares me when i doubt that i have never doubted my faith in God before. i just dont know...............
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