SIX MONTHS ALREADY!!??!!??!!

Cant believe its been almost 6 months since i had treatment. Tuesday i see my "endo" doc for a checkup, im alittle nervous about it. doc says ill have to do the LID but i dont want to. I'm gonna ask why i cant use the shot everyone with this kind of cancer gets. i dread the LID i dont like it i get weak, sick, hungry, and my mind is all foggy thats not gonna help with me teaching ashley for homeschool. last time i had to ask her how to spell stuff and i still spelled it wrong. I dont remember much of the months of jan- april,and part of may. but i do remember feeling weak and tired all the time and and my arms and legs were aching then and  i hated it. ill have to stop my synthroid as well for 3 weeks or less depending on if i need another treatment. it still runs in my head what the doc said dont expect to be cancer free in 6 months so its like she already told me im gonna need another RAI and be isolated AGAIN. im as nervous about going tues as i am when Mark goes to see his oncologist every year for his checkups. I dont know if i can do this again i really dont think i can it was so hard the first time sometimes i thought id die then cuz i felt so bad. and i cant shake this feeling i have that everything is going to end that i dont have the time to do the things i shouldve years ago. Or like im going to lose everything like  hubby and daughter . I cant seem to find my faith i use to have not just in believing Jesus Christ and God but my marriage as well that it wont  survive all of this. i still feel like im abandoned and lost. i still wish hubby would tell me how he taking all this cancer and stuff but he always keeps things to himself then my mind goes racing does he even care how i feel about this i feel discouraged i dont want to go to church anymore like i shut right down and if i did go i wouldnt be going cuz i want to and probably zone out and not listen to anything. think it was Easter the last time i went to church and i didnt want to be there at all. i use to love going to church but now i dont know. i dont have anyone i can talk to about this, the person i really want to talk to about this and how he  feel about it, wont talk to about it, and that is my best friend and partner in life. hes the only one i want to talk to, being that he had cancer too thought hed be understanding to all this he always made me talk when he had cancer even when i didnt know what to say sometimes all i could do was cry, and say I Love You, and ill always be there for you, and of course you better fight this cancer or ill be upset that we need you and you cant give up. but i guess he thinks im strong that i dont need to hear that stuff but im not part of me just dont want to go and do this yet again like i want to quit, and give up. i dont want to have my heart racing and BP going very low, feeling so weak that everytime i stand up i feel like im going to passout and get dizzy,  and not have taste again im just starting to get it back but things still seem bland to me like now i want to eat more salt i wasnt the type that loves salt but now i feel i need it. hubby wants me back to normal but i dont know what that is anymore just like when he had cancer we had to find a new normal. my normal was i was always hot all the time now i get hot then cold then hot if i dont have some air blowing on me i feel like i cant breathe, and hubby doesnt understand i know he tries to keep the electric down it still upset him when im sitting here with the AC on me with a blanket on its cuz my body gets cold but my face needs the air on me and i try to keep it a little cooler then it is outside or if its cool outside try to keep it at that temp so the fan part is running not AC this house is so stuffy that it doesnt get the air inside even when the wind is blowing outside. sometimes i feel the walls are going to come down on me. and i dont know why maybe i need a punching bag with the words thyroid cancer on it so i can beat it up and get everything out of my system.