The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.  Psalm 34: 17-18

If i didnt know better by looking out my window, id think its warm outside. if it was May it probably be warm out. The sun is out and its beautiful. I have been reading that "Cancer Bible" I was talking about in an earlier blog. I have enjoyed reading the "healing" section, and it has helped me see the Lord's love and feel His presence. The verse on top is from today's reading. And its been helping not to be angry  at Mark for not wanting to talk to me about cancer, hes the type that doesnt want to talk about stuff like that and im the type that needs too, i guess to see if he is worried about me or scared, or even a bit concerned about me and what im about to go through. To see if he is supportive cuz it sure dont feel like he is. I just feel I am alone in this that I will have to fight this alone without his support. But I know I have the Lord by me even tho at times I dont feel like but I do believe what His Word says...   
 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrews 13: 5.....

I love Mark, but i always wondered if he really loves me, he says he does but his actions dont show it. we have been married 15 yrs this past novemeber, and a 12 yr old daughter which i homeschool.....   i feel like we are growing apart and it scares me. And it seemed like when i said " Mark I have thyroid cancer" we seemed to be farther apart then before. but i guess i need to trust the Lord in this area as well and pray the Lord will work in Mark's heart. We are both born again believers in Christ Mark is a pastor's kid. Mark is also a very negative person as well, he thinks im the insecure one but he is one too about his health he worries about hes health all the time so thats why i wonder if he even worries about my health. He dont act like he likes himself so much thats where i wonder if he loves me in the bible its says......
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Eph 5:28.....
the way i see it is if he doesnt love himself how then can he love me? I use to be optimistic but lately i feel like im drowning in the cup half full feeling. I dont know if its cuz with getting hypothyroid that it is messing with my thinking and the way i feel about things. Or if its Mark pulling me down in his cup half empty he is a pestimist or how ever you spell it. he always thinks the worse out of everything before it ever happeneds or even if it doesnt happened. I dont see why you have to waste you time worry about stuff that may never happen. We are suppose to trust God not question what He is doing in our lives, or question when God will meet our needs. I have seen so many times where the Lord has met our needs but Mark is blind by it, he thinks everyone is out to get him and it drives me crazy, i guess all i can do is pray for my husband to trust the Lord more than he does. when i think of him worrying i think of several verses .......
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? "So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; "and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. "Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' "For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.  Matthew 6:25-34 ...  some of the sermon on the Mount.......

and i thought i was the one that should worry right now but since im so use to being the strong one in our relationship i dont know how but i dont have the strength to be the strong one anymore and think Mark should be the strong one right now. its like he doesnt want me to feel weak but strong so that he doesnt have to be. all it is doing is making me angry and resent him. ... well better get off here and get some lunch hope everyone who reads this has a great day.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28