This does not feel like June. For one its cold and pouring hard here and where i live we are under a tornado watch ..... oh great! and this is Pa. This weather dont make me feel good at all. It makes my neck hurt bad and have a headache probably from the neck since i was rear-ended feb 2011 i have herniated disc and bulging disc in my cervical spine. Im just have a full load of health issues. today i had the doors open and no A/C on it was nice and cool. And i have been going between being freezing to hot to the point im sweating. my daughter had her evaluation for homeschool the last date i wrote and it was so hot in Sylvias house i got a bad rash on my arm, ive noticed that when i get extremely hot when i cool down i have a rash on my right arm. Question is does that have anything to do with having Thyroid Cancer? i wonder, cuz it never happened to me before. I have some of my energy back seems like i have been keeping my house cleaner and dishes all up. And have been eating better but only certain foods still like spicy and merinated foods. I see my family doc on monday to see how my stress test came out. I still have trouble sleeping and still cant get up in the morning.
I still have my moments of feeling lost and alone, but i still have ppl telling me they are praying for me which is a comfort. Its almost like my heart hurts and theres no way of making it stop. It feels like i dont have my heart fully into where i need to be with the Lord, like it was before. its like i cant get my heart back there and have a hard time going to church its been awhile since ive gone, ppl there probably wonder if i feel of the face of the earth. the weather outside is kinda how i feel at the moment but somedays i feel good and happy then it fizzles away. People who are christians tell me to look up to the Lord and lean on Him but i cant get myself there and i dont know why someone asked me if i cried out to Him and i have dozens of times. I still cant get back to where i prayed 3xs a day i cant even do it once. I still do some devotions in the AM but my heart is not in it at all, and i dont do what i use to, i use to read the Bible in a yr and i was doing some devotions 3xs a day too where i went to bed doing some reading and praying. The last time i felt this way was when my hubby and i got some martial counselling back in 08 where i was angry and bitter towards my hubby and my father, and just a week before our pastor started coming down i talked with his wife and let out alot of stuff that i never knew i had in me and felt better that i got it out to a trusted friend, but now i dont know what i have to let out if im angry and i dont know with whom im mad at. and it all started when i was diagnosed with cancer, i was upset that my hubby wasnt there with me when i found out by my surgeon, and his mom was, i know i was afraid and wishing i didnt have to tell my hubby, i wouldnt have had to if he were with me. and i know thyroid cancer messes with your emotions cuz that one of many things a thyroid controls and much more that i didnt know. i just wonder when this fog will go away and i can get back to where i was before this. But i do know that i will talk to anyone about this cancer i wanna help someone who may be going through this or was diagnosed with this, my hubby doesnt like to talk about cancer since he had it 11 yrs ago and i thought he was the one i could lean on and that would help me out. i still dont know how he is taking all this he dont talk to me. He did let me order from ThyCA a thyroid cancer ribbon pin so i can wear one.
I just want to feel better and not feel tired all the time i hate this, and to think i have to get check in september and see if i need another treatment i hate the waiting period i never did have patience and God know that! i joined a thyroid cancer support group on facebook its so nice to talk with other people who do like to talk about what they are going through i feel like i belong there just not anywhere else. so i guess ill end it here and get ready for bed im tired and hoping i can sleep tonight just waiting for the hubby to get home hes at a buddies house and im here alone for while and our daughter is at gram bakers for a week or so my parents ..... i love lighthouses so i figured id add this to this too i look around my house at the lighthouses a close friend gave me we both like lighthouses she just has alot more than i do and its funny how we get along so well now we are adults and when we went to school we werent at all close and she would be the one id talk to about anything but she lives by my parents which are 2 hrs east from where i live now.... someone asked me recently where my circle of friend support is i said in Montrose where this friend lives i dont think i have anyone here by me who id call as a good friend to talk to..............................
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